Hilarious Sharp Shooters - 2

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory,
he made me pay in advance.

"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."

I went alone on our honeymoon.
My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.

But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the
phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

It was love at first sight.
Then I took a second look !!

Spelling Mistake!

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

Sarcastic Grucho Marx - 4

Don't look now, but there's one too many in
this room and I think it's you.
 
[as Dr. Quackenbush taking a pulse] Either this
man is dead or my watch has stopped.
 
From the moment I picked your book up until I
laid it down I was convulsed with laughter.
Someday I intend reading it.
 
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot
but don't let that fool you. He really is an
idiot
 
How do you feel about women's rights? I like
either side of them.
 
I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago.
I shot my broker.