Sunday 30 September 2012

Who Says Seniors Don't Have Sense Of Humours

DATING ADS FOR SENIORS Ads seen in ''The Villages'' Florida newspaper.


FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.  


LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.  

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.  

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.  

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.  

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together. My favorite....  
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

Couresy: Martha Northrup 


Saturday 29 September 2012

RELEASE THE B(L)OND



Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating, was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.

A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat.

He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

Friday 28 September 2012

How 2 Marinate A Marriage!

One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree
his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he
asked. His wife immediately went into a long explanation
about how much she loved him and how life wouldn't be the
same without him, etc.

Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her
answer with a question of her own, "What did you ask me?"

She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you
asked me if I would marry you again!"

As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry
me again?"

Without hesitation, she said, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."

 Courtesy: Clean-Laffs.