Friday 26 September 2014

Pragmatic!

Pete's wife went to the newspaper to have them run her
husband's obituary. The newsman said, "It's a dollar a
word. I remember Pete and it's too bad about him passing
away."

"Thank you for the kind words. I only have two dollars,
so I guess we'll just write, "Pete died."

"I tell you what -- since Pete was such a nice guy I'll
give you three more words at no charge."

"Thank you very much. That's extremely kind of you.
Please make it say 'Pete died. Boat for sale'."

Monday 15 September 2014

Banks for everyone!

Hogs keep their money in piggy banks.
Londoners keep their money in fog banks.

Fish keep their money in river banks.

Polar bears keep their money in snow banks.

Vampires keep their money in blood banks.

Trees keep their money in bank branches.

... and Chicago Cubs fans used to keep their
money in Ernie Banks.

Friday 12 September 2014

Go elsewhere!

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 80?
A: "Counsellor."

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: "Your Honor."

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 60?
A: "Congressman."

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: "Senator."

 

NOTE: This is a nonpartisan joke list. If you
want to see the one about a lawyer with an IQ
of 40 being called "Mr. President" you'll have
to go elsewhere.