Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Think deep!

A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.
The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.

The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said; "Report for work at 8 tomorrow."

"But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked.

The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."

Sunday, 18 May 2014

You agree?

My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a
while she got a generous raise.

The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from
work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my
sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job
that pays this much money?"

Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out
the window. However, the window was closed, and it smacked
against the glass.

Her husband replied calmly, "Yes."

Friday, 16 May 2014


While replacing some roof tiles, my friend fell from a ladder.
His ankle broken, he called out for help and his neighbor's
four-year-old came to his side.

"Don't worry," she said, disappearing into her house.

Minutes later she returned in her nurse's outfit, carrying a
medical bag.


It must have taken a lot of courage to discover that frogs'
legs are edible.


Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on
the same side


I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

No extra please!

The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important
convention, so he asked his top engineer to write him
a punchy, 20-minute speech.

When the CEO returned from the big event, he
was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an
hour-long speech?!? Half the audience walked
out before I finished."

The engineer replied. "I wrote you a 20-minute
speech. I also gave you the two extra copies
you asked for."

Monday, 12 May 2014


An elderly gentleman was reviewing his records at the hospital
where I work. He expressed some concern at one notation. "I
know I'm a bit difficult at times, but I didn't realize I was
that bad," he said to me apologetically. "I hope I didn't
offend anyone."


Then I explained the acronym in question meant "Short Of Breath".

Saturday, 10 May 2014

Key Trouble!

A friend of mine recently went on a trip and had to stop at a rest area on the Interstate. She took her keys, left her purse and cell phone in her car, and went to the restroom.
When she returned, her remote wouldn't unlock the door and she panicked. "What am I going to do? My cell phone is still in the car and I can't call Onstar!"

Another traveler nearby overhearing this asked, "Have you tried the key?"

Friday, 2 May 2014

Charity begins at home!

My friend called a venetian blind repairman to come pick up a faulty blind. The next morning, while the family was at breakfast, the doorbell rang. My friend's wife went to the door, and the man outside said, "I'm here for the venetian blind."

Excusing herself in a preoccupied way, the wife went to the kitchen, fished a dollar from the food money, pressed it into the repairman's hand, then gently closed the door and returned to the table.

"Somebody collecting," she explained, pouring the coffee.